Snow Tire


Super de Luxe



This Schwinn and Raleigh were right next to each other on the rack. They’re ostensibly supposed to be city bikes; they’re basically the same variation of the hybrid shape–which I’ve never really understood. It’s a hybrid of mountain and … road? Because these are really just mountain bikes with slightly less terrible bars. The Schwinn even has a rack. And here’s something else they both share:



The Schwinn’s says DO NOT RIDE AT NIGHT whereas the Raleigh’s is more generous with Night Riding is Dangerous – See Owner’s Manual, where I can only assume it tells you not to ride at night.

The problem here is mall bikes. Both these brands used to make really high quality mass-produced bicycles, bikes that would hold up for decades, bikes that people used. These bikes are junk. I have a colleague who recently bought a Schwinn because of what the brand meant when he was a kid. He isn’t riding it anymore because it refuses to work and hardly did the day he bought it.

So you have big box stores staffed by people who don’t know a thing about bikes selling junk that doesn’t function. In very short order you’re going to end up with a manufacturer so uninterested in actually making bikes that the legal department will put a sticker on your model made for urban transportation telling its user not to do anything of the sort.

Too bad, because night riding is great.

Attention! I will be altering neither my path nor my velocity as:

  • I approach this yellow light
  • I approach this red light
  • I approach this yield sign
  • I approach this stop sign
  • I approach this slowed or stopped car
  • You attempt this crossing when you clearly have the right-of-way

The sound you hear is at best a congratulatory note to you for allowing me to pass unencumbered and at worst a brief harbinger of the pain and bodily harm you are about to experience! If you are so lucky as to survive the impending collision or if you slow me in any way, I will use this honk as all the proof I need to demonstrate the episode is entirely your fault as I scream at you for not getting the fuck out of my way.

Have a great day!


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